I can’t believe I let you talk me into this. I am powerfully persuasive, but in this instance the gentleman doth bullshit too much, methinks. Beg pardon? I said, “Let’s.” You said, “Okay.” That’s highly advanced coercion tactics, right there. Look, we don’t have to do this. Truly? You won’t mind if we don’t? Truly. … More Totally Not A Fake Thing (A One-Minute Read, Or 1:33 If You Read Slow)
I thought you was a expert at the canoe. Punt. You callin me a cunt? Put that away. Not calling you nothin. This a PUNT, not a canoe. And yeah, I been punting these narrows for 30 years. You keep rocking it! Water’s gettin in. These shoes are Eye-talian. Dead bodies in the boat make … More Punt Rhymes With (An 86-Word Thriller)
“Look! Monkeys!” Two quarreling boys scrambled to the glass door. There would be face prints to wipe later, but she didn’t care. As the boys scanned the trees, blessed silence baptized the tiny apartment for 5, 4, 3, 2, –. “I don’t see no damn monkeys,” snapped the younger. Her eyes sprang open, “Gunner! Language!” … More Grammar Rules When Counting Monkeys (#1MinuteStory)
In Grade 5, my friends and I used to punch each other on the arm. We pulled no punches, literally. We genuinely wanted to deliver, and to receive, the hardest, most painful blows possible. Resulting bruises were both coveted and admired. Looking back, pummeling each other seems a preposterous pastime. And it was. But it … More PRIMARY LOVE
The front door was unlocked. Again. Crazy fucker. One of these days he may come home to find his shit gone, or worse, his pets killed by some maniac pet killer. And what about me? It’s a careless disregard for my safety. What if I walked in and disturbed a burglary? What if said burglar, … More The Pet Sitter: In which a pet sitter discovers the pets aren’t home alone
Her: For fuck’s sake, just go! Him: I don’t want to. Please, don’t make me go. Her: I’m begging you, GO! Him: But it seems so wrong. Her: It will hurt me worse if you don’t go. Quick, go before someone sees you. Him: Oh my god! I didn’t think about that! Now I REALLY … More Should You Stay or Should You Go?
Chessa loves cats, which, so what, right? Many people love cats. Fact is, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a cat lover. But Chessa’s love for cats transcends any typical feline fetish. Chessa loves cats because cats are the only creature she’s found that she CAN love without dying a horrible death. That … More In Which a Cat Cures an Allergy